Moment of Weakness

Not trying to sound like a whiney little bitch here, but I've definitely had my share of disappointment and been dealt more than enough bad hands in life. Add to this the fact that I was raised under the constant vigilance against the evil eye. For anyone who doesn't know what that means, it essentially creates an atmosphere where no one accepts compliments, celebrates good fortune or shows any pride in accomplishment due to the fact that the "evil eye" (see: someone who is jealous of you) might try and take it all away from you. "The tallest stalk is the first cut." A friend of mine who was also raised in this culture was talking about this to me the other day, and she made the observation that both of us a) have great difficulty accepting when something good happens b) accepting that we actually deserve good things to happen and c) always tend to prepare for and expect the worst, regardless of the slightness of the possibility it will actually happen. I think she's right about most of it. Although I tend to gauge my expectation/preparation for the worst based on probability. Although sometimes I don't have enough information to determine the actual statistical probability, so I tend to bump it up to be "on the safe side".

But the fact is, my loan for the new house went through, I found enough money to cover the closing costs, I'm at a job that I could stay at if I wanted (but I don't) and have something better lined up for the end of the month. The market is good so I shouldn't have too much problems selling my current home to recoup my costs from the new home. So, although my friends, family and associated well-wishers will most likely not evere hear me say this; life is very good right now. And regardless of the probabilities that my new home won't sell, I lose both jobs, I get struck by a meteorite or get AIDS and/or herpes from some random hook-up, I am going to enjoy this "good season" and try and make it last as long as possible.

Jethro called me again yesterday, and maybe because of my current subdued euphoria, I actually enjoyed hearing from him and entertained the thought of seeing him again. Plus, he spent a good 4 minutes actually talking to me on the phone, which is odd because I didn't think his vocabulary would last past the 3 minutes /20 second mark. So, I decided I would see him today. I made the drive up to his place in SF and he opened the door to me in a wifebeater and boxers. Nice. But he got just a little chunky since the last time I saw him (about 6 months ago now that I think of it). He still had a dopey expression, but he was very happy to see me and didn't use any annoying catch-phrases. Within about 5 minutes, we were kind of pushing each other around, which turned into wrestling which then turned into me forcing hm to bend over on his bed so I could take down his boxers and work on his hole with my tongue. His ass was still nice, but he had definitely stopped working out or something. It wasn't "bounce a quarter off it" firm like it was before. Not complaining...just an observation. And soon, he gave it up for me, and I was pounding his boy-pussy like crazy. One thing I definitely liked about Jethro, was the playfullness of when we have sex. I like the macho man-handling at the begining, but during sex while I'm pounding him, a lot of times he will intentionally push me out if I'm on top of him, or step away if I'm doing him from behind, then make me stop to ask (or beg) for more. And he always lets me back in. It's just a control thing he does, which I find really hot. And this time, he was actually making a connection with me. It used to be all about him, but this time he was really trying to accommodate me. And when I we were done, of course he did his patented strut around the appartment, saying how good that felt, and how my dick was perfect for his ass, and how he needed to get fucked so bad and that "did it". I know I said I woulnd't be seeing Jethro again, but I'm glad I did. And this wasn't really one of those moment of weakness fucks either, cuz like I said earlier, I'm feeling VERY good now. So, we'll see. I don't expect anything long-term or deeper than an occasional fuck with Jethro. But this last time was definitely a good experience.

Back to reality, the rest of this weekend will be spent getting my place up to spec (painting, upgrading, replacing stuff etc) so that I can put it on the market next week. Definitely going to be a full agenda these coming weeks. But I'm ready for it. And still got the evil eye in my peripheral vision.