Phoning Phrenzy

You've all probably heard the old joke kids; crank calling someone and asking "Is Jeremy there?" then when the victim says no, hanging up and calling back, repeating "Is Jeremy there?" Then when the victim says no, calling back a 3rd time and saying, "hello, this is Jeremy. Do I have any messages?" Welllll...when I left for Europe last year I gave up my cell phone and made sure I could still communicate with my friends via email or internet phone. But since I've been back, I've heard repeatedly from friends who have tried to get in touch with me, so they call my old number and end up speaking to a (by now) very annoyed "Dr Long" who relays in a very irritated tone that this phone no longer blongs to a person named "Suave". Almost makes me wonder how many lost booty calls are sitting in Dr Long's voicemail. Oh well. She's a doctor and I'm sure she's heard it all.

Leading to today's rant; Brazilians are so mediocre. Great music. Good soccer team. But just plain mediocre in bed. I was talking to this guy online about a month ago and I noticed his writing was not native English, so I asked him where he was from. Seriously, there are certain people I will just NOT stick my dick inside...and I can usually smell them a mile away. He kept evading the answer until he finally said "Italian". I knew he wasn't but said, "listen, if you aren't proud or honest with who you are or where you come from then you're not worth my time." And I blocked him soon after that conversation. But lo' and behold, today he messaged me under a DIFFERENT name and although something was slightly familiar about the conversation, I didn't know we had spoken earlier until he called to ask directions. At that point, from his pretty Brazilian accent I said in Portuguese, "Hey, are you from Brazil?" He said IN ENGLISH, "no. I'm Italian", to which I said in ITALIAN, "Oh, hey, your accent sounds very Brazilian. You totally could have fooled me there." Then a few seconds of quiet on the phone. Finally, he responds, IN ENGLISH, "actually I AM from Brazil." Now I knew who he was, and asked, "Why did you lie then?" "I just don't like talking about where I'm from" he responded. I was just not feeling it at this point so I said, "great, well, when I'm getting ready to head out now, so let's talk later." then hung up. Usually, Brazilians are like ultra-proud and borderline arrogant that God made them Brazilian. So, whatever this guy's issues were, I didn't know or care. I just didn't trust him at this point. So, plan "B"; another guy had been messaging me to say he was interested. He is black, toned, tall and had a ghetto-style brand® Booty. He said his name is "Nando", which is pretty common in any Latin-language country, but his voice was just like a pretty random American gay-boy. When he came over, he started channeling Barbara Walters as if on a celebrity interview. But I since I wasn't in the mood to talk about what tree I'd really rather be, I stopped answering his questions and abruptly started undressing him. He didn't appreciate it at first and told me to slow down, but I ignored him and soon had him bent over my bed with me fucking his ass doggie style. He started moaning in enjoyment and then asked for some lube so he could jack off. I ignored him again as I just got more annoyed since I HATE when guys get lube all over everything, especially ME. I flipped him over missionary and banged his hole harder and harder till I shot my load. Then, being the benevolent fuck that I am, with my dick still inside him I reached over and grabbed the lube and poured some on his cock. "I want you to keep fucking me and jack me at the same time" was his response. He had a nice 7-inch dick and I thought it couldn't hurt. But after about 3 minutes I was done with this, so I said, "I want you to finish now." He took the command and started jacking himself, then commanded me to fuck him harder. I obliged to give him a big finished and pounded him like a jackhammer with my semi-hard dick still in him. After we were done, he started in with the interrogation again, asking (among other things) "Are you portuguese?" "Nope. You're the first person to ever accuse me of that" I replied. Turns out he was in fact from Brazil, but moved here when he was 2 years old, blah blah blah. I don't know if it was him personally, the Brazilian dude that soured me before he came over, or just my mood today in general, but this guy couldn't shut up and leave soon enough. Even after putting on my clothes, he still laid in my bed asking questions until I finally said, "Hey, I have to do some errands before the places close." He took the hint and asked to was off "real quick", which of course turned out to be 10 minutes. While in the bathroom, I could hear him doing yet one last that annoys me: when guys use half a fucking role of toilet paper to clean up!!! You DON'T need to make a paper mitten every time you wipe yourself!!! Anyway, this just proves my working theory of Brazilians as mediocre fucks. So, when white guys go on about "Man! Brazilians are SO HOT!" I just subtly look away and roll my eyes.

Tweakers in the Mist

Yesterday I went to a 4th of July party out in the boonies of Vallejo at an acquaintance of mine's house (we'll call him "Bull"). I met Bull 4 years ago through Sven, at the same party. When I got there, it was a small crowd of about 8 guys including the host. They were all in their early 20's to mid 30's and verey masculine, nice looking, laid-back/chill and friendly. In fact, what really struck me was the total lack of any kind of attitude. And I was caught off guard with the speech patterns of this new species, hearing things like, "Wii was sick for like a minute, till people were like, hey X-box is still a mess." And then came the drugs- every kind imaginable. I was feeling kind of like Jane Goodall at this moment and just wanted to stick around and see what took place, and at first there was a lot of pot-smoking, followed by harder drugs as time went on. Just before sunset, I went in the hot-tub and was soon followed by a few others, including a cute 20-year-old shaved-headed Mexican kid who essentially latched on to me like a little brother for the whole party. Bull came in too, and when the sun went down, the trunks came off and there was quite a bit of underwater groping. When guys grabbed my dick, if I was into them, I'd eventually rub their hole to get the message across. One blond 29-year-old tweaker with a GREAT body/ass was really getting into me and I asked him if he'd be up for letting me fuck him. He nodded and said, "well, I usually charge for that. I'm a professional. But I could go for that right now." Since he was high on any number of chemicals, I had no idea if it would actually happen, but 10 minutes later we were in the bathroom with my dick in his NICE pink hole. There was some moron who kept knocking at the door (rude, since there was another bathroom free just a door away) and the tweaker was getting nervous. So, I turned on the shower to drown out any sounds, but he got really turned on and stepped inside the shower and spread his cheeks for me. I took the signal and started pounding him from behind in the shower until I came. He seemed disappointed after I came, but FUCK! We were going at it for about 15 minutes and people most likely DID need to use the bathroom at some point. What I thought was funny was as I was dressing, the "professional" said, "hey, can I get your number?" I scribbled something illegibly and handed it to him with a smile and left.

By now there were about 20 or so people and it turns out the knocking was some German who was tripping on some "G" (no idea) and when I got out they were lying him down on the floor of the living room to recover. I made my way to the kitchen for some food when the Mexican kid came up to me and said "where were you, bro?" I just smiled and said, "having fun?" He said "Yeah. That hot-tub was a trip with everyone grabbing me like that." I said, "if you liked it, we can hook you up." He flashed a HUGE grin, which I took as "yes, please." I went over to bull and said, "hey, man. That 20-year-old kid really needs to get laid. Think you'd be up for it?" With an absolutely no nonsense tone and facial expression, he said, "yeah. You're coming too, right?" I said, "um...sure". 10 minutes later, back in the same bathroom, the kid and I were taking turns on Bull's ass. The kid had a MASSIVE fat uncut dick (which unfortunately curved to the side a bit). But Bull took it like a champ as we pounded him over and over. I came a second time, but the kid seemed to be enjoying it too much and never actually finished.

After we were done, the kid and I went back to the hot tub (for like the 5th time that night) where there was more groping and socializing. I wasn't up for anymore sex, but it really was relaxing to socialize with this group, with the exception of the only doughey queeny guy there who was really out of place and obnoxious. When I got out I saw a bit of drama going on in Bull's bedroom so I went over. Turns out now he was tripping on this "G" and pounding walls, slapping his hands wildly and even head-butted a poster of his. He's a big guy so people were trying to calm him down, I saw his bed was occupied by two other guys passed out (one of them the guy I fucked earlier) so I pushed them over to make room and signaled to one of Bull's friends to try and get him to lie down. Just as I was making space the doughey-queeny guy sits down on the bed. I said in a very low tone, "hey man, can you give us some room, we're trying to get him to lie down and relax." The queen got up without a word and walked away. We got Bull down and he started immediately snoring and making wild noises. I thought I should call it a night. I went out to collect the rest of my clothes when the queen met me there and snarled, "I'm going to say good by to my friends now, I hope that's OK with you!" I said, "cool. you probably want to stay out of Bull's room tho since we just got him to sleep. He was pretty messed up because of some "G" apparently." The queen continued defiantly, "I'm the one who BROUGHT the "G"!" "We've all been doing "G" for 15 years now. I know my friends." I just looked at him and said, "good for you. You must be very proud." The queen said, "Listen! You've been disrespecting me in front of my friends the whole night!" Then I just turned my back and said, "whatever dude. Not interested." and left. Now it was obvious why this guy was invited, and it wasn't for his personality.

I guess what struck me was how boring these people were in an interesting way. They were "hot", but repulsive. Meaning, I didn't mind having sex with any of them, but I couldn't see having any of them as friends. Except for the Mexican kid (who smoked pot, but didn't do any of the harder drugs). He left with me and said, "are you sure you know how to get back home?" I assured him I did. He said, "well, just follow me to the freeway cuz I'm local and know my way around." I really thought his taking on the role of "big bro" now was so cute. He even texted me (yup) twice to be sure I got home OK. I might stay in touch with him, but since he lives so far out there (an hour drive) probably will be more of a virtual contact kind of thing.

Pride

This year was the first I have actually done anything associated with Gay pride. On Friday, there was a "special" Underwear party (yes, been to several of those, but this one was part of the weekend festivities). I got there and was looking and feeling pretty suave until I got shoulder tapped by my ex; the last person in the world I was expecting (or really wanting) to see (for reasons apparent to those who know me, I'll call him "July"). July is originally from China, but talks and acts like a mixture between a frat-boy, nerd and boy-bitch; alternating between all three as necessary. He's always had a huge muscular body-builder type physique, but now while still VERY muscular, had slimmed down some and tanned a lot (point is, he was looking very good, but different than how I remembered him 4 years ago). It took me a moment to adjust my eyes and focus, then realize who he was. I said with a very congenial yet casual smile, "hey! I would have never recognized you in a million years." As July is a psychopathic fatal-attraction-style personality, I guess that was the wrong thing he wanted to hear from me, which apparently soured him. His demeanor totally changed and we then exchanged short pleasantries and as he was standing with some oddly shaped white dude, I decided to wrap it up and leave it at "nice to see you again." The thing is, he spent the rest of the night trying to make me jealous by talking to guys in front of me/around me then saunter away whenever he saw me or intentionally walk the opposite direction. Whatever. It didn't bother me other than the fact that I had hoped he would have matured within the last 4 years. Guess not.

Sunday, Sven invited me to a party at the Civic Center in SF. I'd never been in there for any reason and was surprised they allow parties inside. It was fun to hang with Sven, and since the tickets were $150 each, it's not something I would have done myself. After that, we went to a more sleazy bar which Sven assured me would be very sexually charged. Well, it was...if you like chubby, hairy bear-like men. I didn't really like that crowd too much so I left after an hour or so. When I got home, I was hit up on line by a tall skinny 27-year-old guy who I'd been trying to hook up for sometime now. I went to his place, was unimpressed with seeing him in person but decided to go through with the sex, and...bad decision. Not going into details, but it was just bad and I couldn't get off, so I left. When I got home, I saw a message from yet another kid I have been trying to get with, who agreed to come to my place. When he got here, I thought "DAMN! GOING TO DISNEYLAND TONITE!" This kid is 22, dancer's tight body, and a beautiful face (I'll call him Phoenix, cuz he looks like Joaquin). Long story short, I fucked that boy around the world, and it was GREAT watching his HUGE dick (almost as long as mine, but definitelly fatter) hard as a rock while I fucked him missionary until we both came. THAT was one for the books. I really hope to see him again.

Eating My Heart Out

I decided to go to round 2 of Game Night this week at Sven's house, even though I knew it would be awkward with Spaz (more on that later). Since Sven lives on the East Bay, I thought I'd get some errands done over there before his get together. But before I left the house I got messaged by someone I'd messed around with 9 years ago; back then he was a VERY muscular, masculine, ball-headed (bald) black guy with a VERY long dick named after a popular University institution around here, so I'll call him "Foothill". Foothill was a great fuck back then, but a total head case in that he tops from the bottom. That is, even though he's the one getting fucked (eventually) he's all about the control and mind-games and he lets you know exactly who is calling the shots. An example would be him calling me and saying how bad he needs it and to come over immediately, horny, and ready to fuck- only to show up and have him act indifferent about having sex, then take a 40-minute shower, watch part of a movie and finally after 2 hours consent to a quick fuck. The only time he would relinquish that control is when he's about to cum, as he wanted my dick to keep fucking him, so for a few seconds he'd say, "Please keep fucking me...don't pull out yet, please!" Anyway, turns out he now lives on the East Bay too, and when I told him I'd be going in that direction insisted I stop by. When I got there, I saw that time had not been as kind to him as it had to me. He was about 15lbs overweight (not obese, but not a massive bulge of muscles he had been). He was happy and grateful to see me again, but after all the catch-ups and pleasantries when I finally said, "so, dude, let me see that ass again to see if I remember it." He immediately said, "pshhhh. No way, man. I haven't gotten fucked in years. I don't do that anymore." I had to analyze that for a moment: had he seriously turned over a new leaf or was this the same old Foothill; posturing and controling? I decided it was most likely the latter and thought I'd give it one more try. "Come on dude, let me just see it" I persisted. "No way...well, what if I asked you to see your dick again?!" I took that as a challenge and just unbuttoned my jeans and let my cock flop out for him. He immediately grabbed it and silently stared at it, tugging at it slightly. I knew there was a possibility now, so I remembered how he mentioned he was sore, so I took a "subservient" stance, "Hey, do you want me to give you a backrub?" He perked up, "wow! Hell yeah! Would you do that??" He got on the bed, but I pulled off his clothes (which he let me do reluctantly) until he was ass nekked butts up on the bed. I started massaging him, then while he was enjoying it, little by little started preparing my dick (condom, lube, erection). Then as I was really working his back, started putting pressure on his hole with my cock. When he knew what was going on he said, "dude, you're not gonna fuck me." I responded casually, "it's part of the massage dude. We're not gonna actually fuck. It's just to hit the prostate to make you relax while I'm doing your back. I only have two hands, bro." Bottom line, after a bit more coaxing and massaging (which he was REALLY enjoying) I got the whole cock in. At first I didn't pump it or even move, other than my massaging movements. But after awhile, I started rocking my hips, grabbing his shoulders and letting him have it. It was so gradual he didn't have a chance. After I started pounding him prison style, I tried to flip him over and he put up a fight saying, "No, dude, THAT's gonna hurt to much!" I coaxed him over and finally fucked him missionary and could see he was really getting into it (his 9" dick was pointing north the whole time). I finally came, as he was jacking off wildly, but I felt like being a real dick and just pulled out and headed to the bathroom to wash up saying, "wow. That was great dude. Nice to see you again" totallly ignoring the fact that he was still not finished. When I came back from the bathroom, he was still jacking and I guess hoping I'd stick around, but I just put on my clothes and made small talk, then left.

Back to Sven's: I hadn't seen him since he got back from Sweden so it was good to see him. When Spaz and the gang got there, it was a bit awkward for me so I hung out in the other room with Sven's parrot (who I'm secretly having an affair with). Spaz came back there and acted very casual but friendly, then started with the sexual inuendos. I wasn't taking the bait and just nodded and smiled them off. After the games were done, I mentioned to Sven about my experience with Foothill, since it seems Foothill has been trying to hook up with Sven for some time now, but apparently Sven isn't all that interested (small world). The next day, I told my friend Tracey friend of mine who ALSO knew Foothill when he was living closer to our part of town. Tracey laughed at my description of how out-of-shape and changed Foothill looks now. He remarked, "Wow. you just can't tell how people are gonna change over the years." Then he reminded me of a certain former-child actor we both knew (let's call him "Philips"). Tracey was a friend of Phillips way back when, but I had only met him once at get-together some 13 years ago. At this particular get-together, Philips was VERY into me, and not only did his eyes follow me everywhere I went, but he asked several people about me apparently trying to get all the info he could. To be honest, back then Philips was very effeminate, scrawny and a bit awkward looking, so a) I wasn't into him and b) I could be a real dick back then (way different state of mind for too many reasons to list here). So, not only did I avoid Philips, I made an effort to let him know I was avoiding him just to get the point across that I was totally not interested. Well, the punchline is that Tracey recently went to a party in Miami and ran into Philips and took a pic of him on his i-phone (which he showed me and subsequently emailed me for your viewing pleasure). Time has been GOOD to this boy.




He has definitely been eating his wheaties. So, while Foothill is on a downwards spiral, I am definitely eating my heart out on being such a dick to Philips way back when. Karma is a bitch and we all get what we deserve in the end.

Addiction

Last week was pretty stressful as a couple of substantial bills came for me. Add to this I have been trying to chase down my former employer to pay for expenses on my last contracting job, as well as some other bureaucratic bullshit I had to deal with. So, I was looking forward to the weekend as there was an art/cultural festival up in San Rafael (Marin is ALWAYS a place I admire and I try to take every opportunity to head up there). I met my friends there and had a BLAST. On the way back home I had to pass thru San Francisco and called a former hook-up who I spoke to online the night before, knowing I'd be rolling thru. The odd thing here is he told me we had hooked up before, but I couldn't remember (and still don't). And he apologyzed for his behavior the last time and I told him not to worry (easy to do, since I totally didn't/don't remember). When I got to his address, I thought it would all come back to me...but it didn't. He finally laughed and said, "you don't remember me, do you?" I smiled and said, "sorry man. Not trying to be a dick, but I just got back to the US and had a lot on my mind last time we were together." then I paused for effect. "...that and the chrystal meth. So, don't take it personal." Then I waited for him to laugh, but he just nodded. "I'm only joking dude." I said. And he looked at me and said, "Oh, no problem. Well, that's what my problem was the last time we were together." AWWWWKWARD. "Uh...sorry, dude. Didn't mean to make light of anything" I said, almost rambling. "No problem" he repeated. "I've been clean over 4 months now." "Congratulations!" I said, sincerely.

So, here's the thing, I NEVER hook up with tweakers, stoners or alcoholics if I know about it. Why? Because they are just on another plain and since I don't do, nor have I ever done drugs, I can't relate or connect. What's important to me (i.e. like keeping an appointment we make together) just isn't to them, as they are unaware of time and space during their addictions. Plus, I'm like a "show up and fuck" kinda guy, in that I don't think waiting around 2 hours for the dealer to come, sit through another 1/2 hour of small-talk with them, then watch them all shoot-up, snort or inhale foreign substances until they can deal with life is anything close to foreplay in my book. Anyway, this guy was very sincere and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We had a pretty decent fuck; no complaints. Until RIGHT after I came (he didn't) and he had a wild expression on his face as I was pulling out of him and said, "Wow! That was intense. But nothing beats having sex on meth." then he started giggling. "I'm really going to have to get used to it." he continued with a tinge of saddness in his voice. While I admired his honesty, I just couldn't deal with that statement. I made and excuse about needing to head home and left. All I could do on my drive home was thank God over and over again that I don't have a disposition or tendency towards substance addiction of any kind. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

Today I hit the gym and saw a semi-regular fuck-bud of mine (well, he was before I left for Europe). He's originally from Thailand, but VERY buffed, masculine and americanized (because I'm running low on creativity today, I'll call him "Thai"). He was a bit flustered since he lives on the East Bay and had to go on and on about how he WOULD have called to tell me I was in the area but only had a short time to work out then head to an appointment. I said to him with a very stern face, puffing out my chest and crossing my arms, "Well, dude. You can make it up to me by letting me do it to you in the shower when we're done here." He was seriously taken aback, but I could tell aroused at the same time. He looked around us casually to see if anyone would have heard (I already made the "sound check" before I said it and decided it would be OK). "I don't know...maybe..." he replied with a cautious smile. "Don't worry about it. Just do it." Then I leaned in and poked his pec with my finger in a very serious tone, "I mean it, I want to fuck you in the shower." This time he couldn't contain his smile and said, "OK. Give me 15 more minutes to finish up." I left a bit earlier to prepare, getting my "kit" from the locker so I could suit and lube up and put my towel on over everything (would have looked suspicious walking around with a condom hanging from my schlong in the locker room). Although I mentioned before how in the past 2 years my gym has had a little troll infestation problem, at this time in the afternoon there was hardly anyone around, so I made my way to the shower in the back and waited. Thai came (not too soon for my taste) afterwards and bent over, poking his head out of the curtain to keep watch while holding his ass cheeks open for me to fuck him from behind. It took about a minute for me to enter his hole, get a rhythm going then bust a VERY nice nut. Thai, that was GREAT : ) And just to close, here are two pictures of him from behind (not from today, obviously).

Got any friends?

I'm a pretty easy-going guy. But it really pisses me off when I've hooked up with a guy once/a couple/a few times and when I invite him online to come over again he responds with something like "Got any top friends who could come over too?" Whenever I get asked that, what I'm hearing is "I'm a spoiled bitchy bottom and you aren't good enough for me anymore, so the only way I'll have sex with you again is if you provide me with another guy to make it more interesting." As far as phrases I hate to hear, "Got any friends" ranks right up there with "I'm afraid I have some bad news" and "starring Ben Aflek".

To be honest, I've done PLENTY of 3-ways, and yes, it can be HOT to "share" a bottom with another dude. Usually this occurs where there is a couple involved who invite another guy (top or bottom) into their bed. And if a bottom had another top at his place waiting, I'd be more than happy if he came to me and asked "Hey, I have a friend here who you'd really be into. Want to come over and hang with us?" Not a problem. But when bottoms put it on ME to find another guy for THEM, that's just rude and distasteful. Not only that, in my case, it's really unfeasible. Most guys who I've had sex with SAY they are versatile or "dude, I'm usually a top, but I feel like trying it out to see what it's like" to make the top feel special and like he's "going to Disneyland" that day (Kev-bo let me in on this little secret). But when approached to be a top, they will usually come up with some excuse and I know would never perform. I can count the guys I know who are truly "versatile" on one hand; Sven and DJ (and I haven't spoken to the latter in over 2 years since our falling-out and don't intend to).

We all have our fantasies. Most of mine have been filled at this point (which is why I'm totally not into porn, since nothing beats what's going on in my head). But one I have remaining is to have a line-up of bottoms with GREAT asses and nice shiney pink holes all bent over in a row on a couch, letting me fuck them one by one. But do I say to my bottoms, "Hey, got any friends you could bring over for when I get tired of fucking you?" It's one thing to drop subtle hints DURING or AFTER you've had sex, saying something like, "I think it would be really hot if..." or "I've always had a fantasy that..." As opposed to "I'll come over if you got any friends you can bring too." So, for all you bitchy bottoms out there, show some fucking class. And for all you classy bottoms, much love, respect and appreciation.

As you may have guessed, this wound is still fresh as a today online I hit up a bottom dude I hooked up with once just 2 weeks ago and he responded, "maybe. Today I'm up for getting gang-banged. GOT ANY FRIENDS?" I was thinking I should write back, "Uh, sure. Let me just lean out my bedroom window and whistle for my posse of tops who have just been sitting around waiting for my bottom-signal." Moron. Luckily, his type is a dime a dozen, and shortly afterwards I got called by a 3rd-time bottom who gladly came over for a 2-round fuck (he's one of the many SFO affiliates, so I'll call him "Flyer"). Plus I made Flyer cum TWICE without him touching himself (yup, hit TWO bulls-eyes). And all I had to do was take pictures of my cock going inside his butt-hole (yes, most of these pictures I take and post are at requests of the bottoms, not me).

Abs vs Cock

Around the onset of puberty I knew I had a larger size dick. I remember looking at myself naked from about the age of 14 and wondering how big it was gonna get. I also remember years later during one extremely agressive jack-off session lasting around 4 hours with me measuring myself every 10 minutes or so, and getting very excited when I hit the 9" mark (yes, not centimeters, so you guessed it, it was here in the US : ) But since I started having sex, then having a LOT of sex, I noticed my dick would often get more attention than me. Sometimes guys (no woman I have ever been with became like this) see my dick and all they want to do from that point forward is suck on it and play with it; to the point where I feel like saying, "Um...do you guys want to be alone?" I even had this experience recently with Trainer, where he was so rigorous in sucking me it really was all I could do to take my mind off the pain until I had to casually make him stop and move on to something else. Gradually, I tried to take the emphasis off my dick, and in so doing, prefer to start off with a semi and not get hard until I'm actually inside whoever I'm going to fuck. And I rarely get to 9" anymore (I'm still 8+ in my profiles) since it just takes too much work to get and keep an erection that size.

So, why am I saying all this? As a point of observation, I've noticed that I've been getting different attention these days. I've always tried to keep myself fit; some years better than others. I'd always thought of myself as irregular in that I was either very skinny with no muscles or I got bulky in my pecs and shoulders but as a consequence would get love handles too. It's only been in the last year that I got a 6-pack (yes, that is my picture in this profile) and have noticed that more and more guys spend less time on my dick and do things like kiss and lick my abs. I swear this is a totally new experience for me. And to be honest, it really isn't a turn on.

I personally like looking at myself in the mirror these days. Yes, I like seeing my schlong bouncing from leg to leg when I walk in the locker room. Yes, I DO like the way my abs look. But the best thing another guy can do to show his appreciation is not to slobber all over either of them. Just bend over show me your hole, and tell me I can do whatever I want with it. Then Happy Birthday to me.