Back?

Thank you for the emails of concern, and yes, I'm finally back. And I'm begining this post with the intention of keeping it brief, since I'm pretty drained (only partially in a good way). I am physically back from Europe, but the travel itself was excrutiatingly tedious (4 days of snow delays at Heathrow and Gatwick with long hours of waiting in between). My first fuck of the New Year occurred on my way back through London; since I had to spend the night, I made a side-trip to Clapham Common. As I was walking around, I stumbled upon a couple of guys stroking each other. I kept my distance, but was motioned to come over and join, so I did. Although it was dark, I could see up close guys were hot and flipped out my dick, which was rock hard from weeks of no sex of ANY sort. One guy knelt and started sucking me and the other dude back and forth. This was OK until some obese, ugly Indian/Paki walked up and kept crowding us. No matter how much we all motioned and told him to "shove off", he was undaunted and kept trying to press against us until pretty much everyone simultaneously zipped up and left in disgust. As I walked away, a tall, hot 20-something guy with blond curly hair sprinted past me. He looked back and I gave my crotch a rub, which made him stop in his path. I walked towards him and and he looked around and said, "I'm really rushed." I reached around and shoved my hand down his pants to feel his butt-hole and said, "Then we'll have to make this quick." He moaned, and I took this as a signal and undid his jeans and pulled them down to reveal his bubble-butt.

I pulled my dick out again, suited up with the profo in my pocket and put some spit on my dick and positioned it at his hole; he bent over in compliance. As he did so, I smelled the ever familiar smell of cum; so I rubbed his hole again and put my finger to my face to smell it-- yup, he'd just been fucked raw. I didn't mind the sloppy seconds since I was wearing the profo and I REALLY just needed to get off. I shoved the long ranger inside him (not difficult, since someone else had loosened him up) and started pumping, basically just using his hole. I did ask him, "you like it mate? You feeling my cock up your bum? Ready for me to pound my load out?" and in probably less than 30 seconds I was done, spewing an eye-popping orgasm.

When I got back to the US last week, I had received yet another email from my ex stating how he really was sorry for anything he had put me through last year when I tried to come down to see him for the intervention. He stated the death (overdose) of his boyfriend put him in a mindset that this year he had to change. I told him, if he was serious, I'd put him on a bus so we could spend a weekend assessing the situation in "neutral" territory (i.e. away from enablers or any other bad influences...save yours truly). To my surprise, he agreed and Friday eve at the San Jose train station, after 15 years, I met the first guy I'd ever had sex with, fell in love with, planned a life with, become infuriated with, and ultimately broken up with.

In the 48 hours we spent together, it went from awkward, to desperate, to familiar, to sad, to nostalgic and a host of other peak/valley emotions in between. The first night, he was still coming off of crystal meth, which gave him a very mellow and almost disturbing demeanor. We slept in the same bed and even ended up doing some mild, heavy-petting and making out, although he was extremely awkward and self-conscious of his physique (which I personally liked) as he used to be a very buffed version of Keanu Reeves and now in his mid-40's had put on some extra pounds. He still looked very good, with the exception of his ass, which had turned extremely saggy (and he had a very obvious meth-dick and balls which had shriveled due to steroid use). He eventually fell asleep, and I spent the entire night lying next to him, awake, listening to him breathe, snore, sleep-talk etc. He must have slept for over 12 hours, and the next day his old personality finally started appearing slowly but surely.

I think this post has gotten a bit self-indulgent, so I'll wrap it up saying, by the time he left, we had shared some very emotional moments (good and bad) but both hopefully came to some foregiveness/acceptance over the damage caused between us. I'm still in awe at the whole event; it was like getting a visit from your favorite movie star, comic book hero and best childhood friend, and at the same time fearing this person couldn't have cared less about you. I have absolutely no idea if this was a turning point for him, or if I will ever see him/hear from him again. I AM hoping the best for him, while at the same time hoping lady catharsis will pay me a visit sometime very soon.

Addiction

Last week was pretty stressful as a couple of substantial bills came for me. Add to this I have been trying to chase down my former employer to pay for expenses on my last contracting job, as well as some other bureaucratic bullshit I had to deal with. So, I was looking forward to the weekend as there was an art/cultural festival up in San Rafael (Marin is ALWAYS a place I admire and I try to take every opportunity to head up there). I met my friends there and had a BLAST. On the way back home I had to pass thru San Francisco and called a former hook-up who I spoke to online the night before, knowing I'd be rolling thru. The odd thing here is he told me we had hooked up before, but I couldn't remember (and still don't). And he apologyzed for his behavior the last time and I told him not to worry (easy to do, since I totally didn't/don't remember). When I got to his address, I thought it would all come back to me...but it didn't. He finally laughed and said, "you don't remember me, do you?" I smiled and said, "sorry man. Not trying to be a dick, but I just got back to the US and had a lot on my mind last time we were together." then I paused for effect. "...that and the chrystal meth. So, don't take it personal." Then I waited for him to laugh, but he just nodded. "I'm only joking dude." I said. And he looked at me and said, "Oh, no problem. Well, that's what my problem was the last time we were together." AWWWWKWARD. "Uh...sorry, dude. Didn't mean to make light of anything" I said, almost rambling. "No problem" he repeated. "I've been clean over 4 months now." "Congratulations!" I said, sincerely.

So, here's the thing, I NEVER hook up with tweakers, stoners or alcoholics if I know about it. Why? Because they are just on another plain and since I don't do, nor have I ever done drugs, I can't relate or connect. What's important to me (i.e. like keeping an appointment we make together) just isn't to them, as they are unaware of time and space during their addictions. Plus, I'm like a "show up and fuck" kinda guy, in that I don't think waiting around 2 hours for the dealer to come, sit through another 1/2 hour of small-talk with them, then watch them all shoot-up, snort or inhale foreign substances until they can deal with life is anything close to foreplay in my book. Anyway, this guy was very sincere and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We had a pretty decent fuck; no complaints. Until RIGHT after I came (he didn't) and he had a wild expression on his face as I was pulling out of him and said, "Wow! That was intense. But nothing beats having sex on meth." then he started giggling. "I'm really going to have to get used to it." he continued with a tinge of saddness in his voice. While I admired his honesty, I just couldn't deal with that statement. I made and excuse about needing to head home and left. All I could do on my drive home was thank God over and over again that I don't have a disposition or tendency towards substance addiction of any kind. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

Today I hit the gym and saw a semi-regular fuck-bud of mine (well, he was before I left for Europe). He's originally from Thailand, but VERY buffed, masculine and americanized (because I'm running low on creativity today, I'll call him "Thai"). He was a bit flustered since he lives on the East Bay and had to go on and on about how he WOULD have called to tell me I was in the area but only had a short time to work out then head to an appointment. I said to him with a very stern face, puffing out my chest and crossing my arms, "Well, dude. You can make it up to me by letting me do it to you in the shower when we're done here." He was seriously taken aback, but I could tell aroused at the same time. He looked around us casually to see if anyone would have heard (I already made the "sound check" before I said it and decided it would be OK). "I don't know...maybe..." he replied with a cautious smile. "Don't worry about it. Just do it." Then I leaned in and poked his pec with my finger in a very serious tone, "I mean it, I want to fuck you in the shower." This time he couldn't contain his smile and said, "OK. Give me 15 more minutes to finish up." I left a bit earlier to prepare, getting my "kit" from the locker so I could suit and lube up and put my towel on over everything (would have looked suspicious walking around with a condom hanging from my schlong in the locker room). Although I mentioned before how in the past 2 years my gym has had a little troll infestation problem, at this time in the afternoon there was hardly anyone around, so I made my way to the shower in the back and waited. Thai came (not too soon for my taste) afterwards and bent over, poking his head out of the curtain to keep watch while holding his ass cheeks open for me to fuck him from behind. It took about a minute for me to enter his hole, get a rhythm going then bust a VERY nice nut. Thai, that was GREAT : ) And just to close, here are two pictures of him from behind (not from today, obviously).