Anal in Arkansas

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So long, Sailor

If you haven't figured it out, I'm definitely a no-drama, laid-back guy. I try to treat people as best I can, even if that means counting to 10, remembering not everyone has the same IQ, background or realization that the world does not revolve around them. And I have had my harem of steady bottom-boys; some "taken" (i.e. in an "open relationship") some busy, and some simply sporadic. Squid was one of those "taken" bottoms, in that he was living in an "open relationship" whith the same guy since shortly after I met him back in 1999. Yet throughout that time, we'd hook up once every other month or so (except when I was living abroad). I knew he never wanted anything too serious, but we had great sex (he'd usually get off 2 to 3 rounds each hook-up), he has a GREAT ass, and we generally enjoyed each other's company when we were around. And as of a few months ago, he was looking better than he had in years; very buffed and almost glowing (no idea what that boy was on, but my guess is a concoction of steroids, botox and tanning lotion). Anyway, about 2 months ago back in late September, he mentioned he was going to Mexico (Cancun). I told him at the time I was planning a trip back down too, but most likely Puerto Vallarta and that we should definitely compare notes when we got back.

When I did return from PV, I called and left him a msg saying I was around and how I wanted to hear all about his trip. No answer. I emailed him later the week; also no response. Then I remembered we were friends on Facebook--but not anymore when I checked. I thought something was seriously up, so I blocked my number and called him the next day. He answered. I said, "Hey "squid". How's it going? Welcome back from Mexico." He was taken aback, almost annoyed, "hey. Yeah. thanks." I persisted in a normal tone, "well, man. I saw we're not friends on facebook anymore. Just wanted to see if you fell off the face of the earth or what." Squid responded coldly, "Nope. Just getting ready to head out now." Then hung up.

OK, I'm not stupid. I do realize he is in an "Open Relationship" where the rules, however maleable, tend to be that each person can hook up with whomever they want just so as the other isn't involved or finds out. So, I figured it must be some kind of drama like that. But at the same time, I thought maybe I had done something or said something to piss Squid off at some point. I thought since he hadn't at least emailed me or called me just to say, "hey, having issues with my boyfriend now so won't be able to talk for awhile." or whatever then it must have been something personal with me. After all, we had known each other for over 10 years now. I thought we were actually more than just fuck-buds, but friends.

The other night, I finally got a call from him around 9pm, which went like this;
Squid: "hey, sorry I haven't been able to talk lately."
ME: "yeah, I was wondering what was up with you."
Squid: "yeah, I had some drama with my b/f. He started getting really jealous. So, I've had to cool it for awhile. (laughing) I've learned not to mix my sex life with my homelife."
ME: "Glad you learned a valuable lesson."
(Pause)
Squid: "So, my b/f left for Mexico yesterday. Are you at home now?"
ME: Sure am. great place to be. Nice talking to you.
And that was that. Regardless of the drama in his life, it really pissed me off that he couldn't take 2 minutes to send a freakin' email to that effect. I had to wait 2 months to hear his lame excuse, and weak attempt to "make up" by offering me a booty-call now that his boyfriend happens to be out of town and he's lonely. And maybe it's because I now have such an awesome "substitute" bubble-butt white ass (and 10 years younger I might add) in Norseman, I really feel nothing about cutting Squid off completely. His loss. And with that, here is my final pictoral homage to the piece-of-ass that was Squid:

On a final note, I think I have come up with the best troll-repelent: Spanish. The other day after a pretty decent workout I went into the locker room and saw the Greek kid talking to one of the maintenance workers in Spanish. He caught my glance and saw me heading into the sauna, which had 2 regular trolls there. Moments later he came in and sat next to me, at which point I started speaking to him in Spanish, asking innocuous things like "how is it you speak Spanish?" etc (turns out he worked in Ibiza, Spain for awhile and speaks it pretty well). Since the two trolls (one white one Filipino--both old, fat, out-of-shape, repugnant and RELENTLESS) obviously didn't understand us, I played on their xenophobia and started speaking louder, and intentionally gesticulating in their general direction, shaking my head at times (and we really were talking about them, saying how we both hoped they'd leave very soon). And BINGO! One after the other they left, leaving the Greek Boy alone for me to fuck.

Obviously this tactic will not work when there are Spanish-speaking trolls around. But hey, I'll try anything at this point.

Lord of the Rings

Lately I've noticed more and more guys I hook up with have large dicks (easy examples are Sven and Hill). And it's not that I care one way or another, since I'm a total ass-man and 80% of the time I'm with a guy I never even touch their dick (unless you count it rubbing against my abs while I'm fucking missionary). But even the new guys I'm meeting up with these days have 8"+ in their profiles (and believe me, you don't need to get a decoder ring to know that a profile that says 29 y/o, 170lbs with 8" normally means 35 y/o, 185lbs with 6"). But lo' and behold, some guys are coming over with pretty massive meat between the legs, which to be honest sometimes challenges my own security in bed, since most of the time I can count on being the "bigger man". But lately I get the sense that more and more the long-ranger doesn't ride as tall as he should when coming out of the corral. So, since I always put I'm 8" in my profiles, I wanted to keep myself honest and got out the tape-measure and hand-lotion this weekend to confirm it. After about 20 minutes of serious tugging and stroking, I can indeed confirm that the long-ranger stood erect at a massive, beautiful and awesome looking 8 1/2 ". However, I'm also well aware of the energy, time and attention it took to get the blood pumping to that level. So, only a very lucky few will most likely experience that extra 1/2", therefore I'm keeping my profile at 8" (the extra 1/2" will be a bonus).

This leads me to my next story: since I got back from Europe early this summer I'd been hooking up with a 20-something Mexican-Cuban dude who puts 8 1/2" in his profile and who looks like an even "stonier" Wilmer Valderrama, so I'll call him "Will". Will is a pretty no-nonesense fuck, meaning he comes over, few words are exchanged as we head back to my "fuck den", he starts sucking me, I get his hole wet, we fuck, roll credits. This time when he came over, two things were different; my cock was way huge and full since I had been doing my stroke-marathon without actually cumming, and Will was stoned more than an israelite adulteress. True to form, the first thing he did was pull down my pants and start slobbering all over my cock. It was almost like he was in a dreamland and honestly it didn't seem like he would ever stop until I pulled him up from my schlong. I literally had to hold him up with my arms as he was pretty wasted. But that didn't stop his cock from being hard as a rock, so just for kicks and giggles I rubbed mine against his to compare; his points down like Hill's and it is definitely big- but mine was bigger. So, maybe Will is 8 1/2" on a good day, just like I am. I'm feeling generous so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, because of Will's impared state, I knew I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to him, so I threw him on my bed like a rag doll and opened up his ass with my hands and burried my face inside. Will was moaning like crazy and usually, the next step is to suit-up and put on whatever lube he brought over. This time we skipped the lube and just used my own spit, which I prefer and always works well for me. He bucked and tried to resist but he just wasn't any match for my libido, when I burried my cock in him from behind. Will always makes whiney noises and monosyllabic words like he's in pain while we fuck (like "Ouch! "fuck!" "Damn!") but his stiff dick always let's me know he's enjoying it. After about 5 minutes of pumping him with slow, steady strokes from behind and then on top, I flipped him over missionary and said, "Now open your legs up and relax." He did, and I slid my cock further inside him until "Pop!" I opened up that inner ring. I LOVE when my cock pops that inner cherry, but a lot of guys are either already open irrepairably from being fucked too often or they are just not relaxed enough to open, which means my cock keeps bumping up against it when I get in there deep. But boy does it does it feel good when it gets opened (all the tops with 7" + in da house know what I'm talkin' bout??). I thought it was about time to work my magic so I started pumping Will missionary, and he was groaning and throwing his head back and forth, then grabbing my ass to push me inside him harder. Finally, I just let go and blew a HUGE load (all that "fluffing" I did earlier without cumming made me have an orgasm so intense it hurt the back of my eyes), and Will grabbed his cock and started spewing the second his hand touched it.

Will is a man of few words and always wants to leave immediately after he cums, and this time was no different. But he messaged me after he got home and said how hot it was and that next time maybe we can hang out. So, I guess in the place of having a steady fuck-bud or dare I even say, a boyfriend, my caste of regulars, namely Luberjack, Steel, Trainer, Hill, Squid, and a couple other steadies have been keeping my balls empty. This is good, since I don't think I've been a day without sex in weeks. Also, I finally got an email from Longbone (hadn't heard from him since out hook-up when I first got back to the US) saying he's been really busy but we should meet sometime soon.

Lastly, in lieu of some hot ass pics (coming very soon), a bit o' culture...

New Job...Old Bones

Today was pretty memorable. I got ONE of the jobs I was applying for. I should be really enthusiastic about it as they are offering me the most money I've ever made at a job. And the reality is I would be had I not been approached by company two mid-way during this process (so, now THIS is the job I'm really interested in). My current crappy job has been keeping me up late and waking me up early as I have daily 6:00am meetings with self-centered East Coasters who think the world revolves around their timezone. So, maybe my lack of enthusiasm also has to do with a bit of sleep deprivation.

As I was iddling the time away today between tedious phone conferences and my ultimate interview with the company I got hired by, I got a hit on an online profile from someone who said he knew me and that I should give him a call. Sure enough, it was a former fuck buddy of mine from 6 years back who I had unintentionally lost touch with when I moved to the UK in 2001. He's a white guy, late 20's, very good looking former Navy (now a nurse, like so many gay Navy guys) so I'm gonna call him Squid. After we talked for awhile, it didn't take long for him to suggest coming over in person to "catch up", which he did. And we had a very long and hard catch-up fuck. He looks pretty much the same as he did 6 years ago, just more mature. And still has the same rock-hard muscular white ass of his. I totally wrecked that today. He was thoroughly impressed too, and he called me 1/2 later from the road to tell me how much he enjoyed it. The fact is, he has been in a "relationship" (yup, one of those) with the same guy ever since he got out of the Navy, and ever since I've known him I've been "the other man". Fine by me, actually. As long as I can tap that ass once or twice a week, i'm fine with picking up where we left off.